you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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