So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
