i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
