he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
