i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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