i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
