Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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