you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
