So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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