he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
