Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
