i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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