I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
