Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
