Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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