After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
