Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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