I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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