If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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