You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
