i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
