The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
