That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
