Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
