i think my tv is drunk
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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