Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
