I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I will pee on everything he values.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
