I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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