WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
NoShamevember. You game?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
