he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
