Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
