my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
