you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
