Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
