..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
