Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
