It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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