I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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