Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
