I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
