I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love you.
Bad choice
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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