good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
