you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
