I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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