She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
