It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the day after is always just damage control
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
