Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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