covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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