I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
