proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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